Wednesday, December 24, 2014

On Death & Dying......The Friend Revisited.




He is a top neurologist. Our friendship transcends professional inter-connectivity and interest. He is my mentor and 'gold-standard' for ethical medical practice [ a rare commodity nowadays of 'instant everything' ] , and I am his 'agitator' on things spiritual and of the 'heart', even though we have a 14 years age difference, he being older. His and his contemporaries belong to an age ruled by rationalizations and reason, that famously produce people like Tun M and Musa Hitam.  Myself and some of my contemporaries  live mostly by our ' hearts '.

We did Haj together in 1989  under SMAS Travel [ Pak Lah younger sister's outfit ] when 13k Rm per head was quite something to talk about.  Now Siti Nurhaliza's 100K per head is mundane stuff. How time has changed! It was both the second for us two.  He headed the medical mission in Makkah in the early70's while I headed the mission in mid 80's. 

Four packed to a room. One prof in linguistic education, Prof Isahak, one TNB senior engineer who maintained that even eating 'kibas' during haj is tantamount to 'Makruh'. A purist and obscurantist viewpoint but we never at any moment argue with him. The mechanic, the linguist, the 'brain' and the ',heart', a volatile and combustible combination! . Ten long days in ihram in a 12' by 12' room, was long and testing on patience. No rancour, anger or argument. Just shukr, remembrance and continous zikrullah. 

All four of us room mates were doing Haji Ifrad. The best haj I have ever done, minus the 1st one in 1984 when 'seeing the 'Ka'abah' for the 1st time was magical. For that special one , just sitting there in al- Raudhah doing nothing was magical and spiritually uplifting.

Three years back, when he was already diagnosed with advance cancer of the kidney, we had another trip to Makkah. I just challenged him that it may be good for his soul if he can join me in my then annual Umrah during the last 10 days of Ramadan. It was fairly risky since he was not in the best of health, and prone to cross-infection. He took the challenge head on despite a lot of reservation from both wife and children. We had a wonderful 10 days of soul searching , including a near riot at the Jeddah Haj airport by Pakistanis pilgrims who missed their flight home due to Saudi's slow clearance of the crowd. Alhamdullillah it was a great Umrah all round.

Now he lay breathless on his bed in Room 456. His oxygen saturation is only 85 % on 5 litres of oxygen per minute. I stole a glimpse through his clinical notes earlier. Dr K, his oncologist scribbled in his notes : ' DNR'. Euphemism and short for 'do not resuscitate 'if patient were to have a cardiac arrest! '. 'DNR' is usually reserved only for the desperately ill patients, beyond help and no hope to get better.

His chest Xrays showed 80 % chokerblockful with tumour metastases. Dr 'K' has with wisdom put him on continuos morphine drip to help his breathing and ease his mind a wee bit. Thanks Allah, his Missus listened to me to not request for artificial support ventilation to ease his breathing. He would not wake up from that and at point of death, conciousness to the very end is of prime importance. Allahualam. 

To my mind it is a matter of hours or days. A day earlier I called his eldest son, Akashah to not leave his father alone in the room. They thankfully have already 'terminated' the service of the private Filipino night nurse who kept talking about Christmas and Jesus at 2 am in the morning! One talks about the proverbial "Whisperer' coming in with wine in one hand and milk in the other. This 'florence nightingale' probably thought in her innocence she is doing my friend a service. He mentioned to me about this young lady's adventurism. I thought it was pretty dicey situation, and told his wife to terminate her service.

I crept into his room just now sofly softly. He opened his eyes. I signaled to him not to talk, to save his breath and asked the nurses and his daughter in law with two grandsons to wait outside the room .

" I know you are just very weak and breathless, you could not even think of  ' laila haillallah'. Just remember Him just by His names, the simple ones. Follow after me...ya Allah ya Allah ya Allah...
ya Rahman , ya Rahman, ya Rahman ya Rahman...ya Rahim, ya Rahim ya Rahim....ya Latif, ya Latiff............ya Rabb , ya Rabb.....Astagfirullah, astagfirullah, astagfurullah........................
Disregard people going and coming, just remember Him. 
"laila haillallah muhammadarasulllallah , if you have the breath, otherwise say it mentally..."

"Insyaallah we will meet in Jannah...........". 
He smiled and thank me.
I walked away knowing, insyaallah, he would have his 'hasnul khatimah', insyaallah.
He has been a picture of grace in his profesional life, and there insyaallah will be grace in even death.


At this point in time, that is the most important thing in his life: 'hasnul khatimah
The rest pales into insignificance.

Allahumma innaka Affuwon tuhibbul afwa wa' fuanni
[ Oh Allah, only You forgive, Forgive me ]

La ila hailla antasubha nakainni kuntominazlimin
[ There is no god but God, Without Your rahmat and blessing, I am one of the zalimun ]

Allahumma adkhilni Jannatul firdaus






Postscript :
Dr Sabri Rejab went on to join 'the realm of the Beloved', just now at 4 am, 25th December, surrounded by wife, and family at his last hour. He lived a life of grace and died also in grace. 
He was in continuos zikr right up to the moment of loss of conciousness, I was told. Alhamdullillah.
Innalillah hiwainna ilaihirojion.




...................................................................................................................................................



 Habib Ali Zaenal Abidin al-Hamid, on ' Husnul Khatimah ' :

 http://www.lajsiab.com/RDZNai00cG9MbDAz




Saturday, December 13, 2014

A Long Prescription For A Friend



I visited him at his house in Damansara. My long time colleague and confidante during our GHKL days and in Subang. He looked gaunt and schrivelled up. In his days he must have been the best brain in neurology. No, not actually the best , since best in any medical field is very relative. The most 'honest' would be the best description. 'Intellectual honesty' in rarefied medical fields like ours is a  definite premium.

I considered him as a mentor of sort, way back in our GHKL days in the late 70's. Even then medical practice was already losing its 'art and gentlemanly'. Schools were already producing super technicians and narrow specialists lost in the old art of practising medicine and strict medical ethics.

Dr Sabri Rejab was botha mastercraftman in his field and belong to the 'old school', of which I was familiar, having spent sometime in the UK.
Unlike myself , Dr Sabri Rejab was board certified neurologist from the U.S

I diagnosed him with advance cancer of kidney some  five years ago on a routine annual medical check up.,:'renal cell carcinoma stage 4, with metastases to liver and lung'. 

Alhamdullillah with state of the art targeted therapy and 'nephrectomy' [ removal] of the involved kidney, he has had a long honeymoon of five years. Five years of continued work with long period of reflection, repentance and remembrance. Insyaallah!

He has been bed-riddened for two months now, with cancer in all organs except the brain. A small peanut size spread in the spinal cord is causing him paraplegia in the leg and a neurogenic bladder.
Otherwise he is as forward looking and cheerful as ever.

" Nik, God is Great! Of all the thing now I have a bladder  and two legs that refuse to listen to my brain. All my life, I have been intellectualizing and advising people on all these things! "

"Mashaallah Doc Sabri, you are telling me one day I may be lucky to end up with a massive acute myocardial infarct. That may be a kinder way to go , just maybe, from the perspective of the 'unschooled' . I remember writing on you some three years back, writing all those jazz about kaffarah , time for reflection and atonement and all that..."

" Yeah...thank you very much for reminding me. I was so engrossed with self pity and denial that time  that initially I was quite cross with you. How can this young punk say cancer is good at any age! But after weeks of soul searching, I appreciate your viewpoint. Thank you.
No,  Nik, All these time I have been busy looking after people , I have no time to ponder on the unponderables. But now since I am like this, I would not be totally honest if I tell you I am not worried about the next life.......the uncertainties, the 'alam barzark and all that "

That was my window of opportunity, I felt for the bulging envelope in my trousers and gave it to him.
We bade farewell with a promise to see him again. The bladder catheter needed to be change next week.


The Envelope :



Doc Sabri,

Both of us are recognized experts in our fields but other than that we are very 'unschooled'. Very unschooled in the ugama. I am not ashamed to tell you that even now I read the Qur'an like a 'bloody....' mualaf. The little doa I learn here and there, I remember by heart and I keep my doa very short and precise. Like you, I cherish my 'relative independence'  from being 'ter-ikat   to any 'tarikat' group , so to speak, but there is a down side to that as well. finding a 'real' tok guru nowadays is not easy. i am pretty sure it also work the other way round as well, from the tok guru perspective...finding the right 'anak murid' is very rare.

Being without a 'shaykh' or a specific 'tok guru' , put us down to not having a definitive awrad or wirid to follow with when we do our zikrullah. We collect several 'bits' and 'pieces' along the way . Both of us are still looking for our mushyid and before that we have to make do. But Doc Sabri, do not despair, for there is a not too well known tradition that concede that for those without a Murshid Tok Guru, if we 'selawat to the nabi' constant enough and of enough 'volume', the Prophet [ pbuh ] himself will act as our murshid. He will be waiting for us at the al Kauthar!

Let  me not beat about the bush,my dear friend!

You are in a dire straight with respect to your health and your life is currently in the balance. With due respect, you will agree with me that you are now more 'there than here'. This is critical time for you.

The 'whisperer' can appear to you in your semi-sleep state as your long gone parents. That is the most dangerous part and 'they' turn your aqidah upside down in the last minute. We have talk about 'suul khatimah' and 'husnul khatimah' before and this is the critical time. In order not to give time and space for the 'whisperer'  I feel it is of paramount importance for you to be in continuous zikrullah in all your waking hours. If you do it constantly enough you will find you wakes up in zikr!

If you have not yet have a 'modus operandi', let me humbly suggest this one.
It is important we keep our mind focused on Him and not give'space' and time for syaitan and iblis to creep 'inuendoes' and 'doubt', especially in your case now Doc,, with your brain just intact, with no movement in both legs and even no sensation in your bladder.

the awrad i am proposing now is mainly from imam al ghazali's 1st volume of his voluminous 4 volume opus magnum, " ihya ulumiddin", with a smattering addition here and there from 'this shaykh and that shaykh'  whom i have the priveledge to cross path in what i may term as 'my  mainly secular life pathway and trajectory'.....so far.



Start with  your morning , say at  5 am with:


1.  Astagfirullah...[ Oh Allah!, forgive me  ]

My personal favourite is, "Astagfirullah hal Azim. Astagfirullah hal Azim.....Atagfurullah hal azim......[ punctuated by ]              Astagfirullah hal Azim allazi laila hailla huwal Hayyul Qayyum wa atu bu ilaik. Rabbir firli          waliwa lidayya wal mukmini wal mukminat. Nayau mayaku mulhisab.............

[ Oh Allah forgive and bless me..........Forgive and bless both my parents, and muslimin and muslimah  on the day of al Hisab]    x1 , x3,  x7 or more up to a hundred time if you like, the more the better, if you have the time, motivation and the mental energy. After sometime, it become second nature and if time allow, the more the better. A 100 time will do for istiqamah
The second part of this doa is actually doa nabi Ibrahim. 
'waliwa lidayya wal mukmini wal  mukminat', was taught to me by, personally by a shaykh teaching ugama in the masjidil haram, 33 years ago. he opined that this is the best doa and thing you can do for your parents. i never stop doing it in all sujud and my prayer doa for 32 years. such a simple but profound doa it is. i have forgotten the shaykh's name. i think it was something something al banjari....he ws from sumatera but domiciled in makkah and teached ugama in the haram.
he must have started teaching even when you were there in the early seventies!

How many time? you ask me doc sabri.
In our position of 'ghaflah and indifference, and at our age when our house are slowly saying good bye and the grave a calling, 100, 1000, 10,000.......that question is superfluous!
I do a hundred times at least after every obligatory prayer.
In your position and state of health, you can do the whole day and night!



2. subha nallah wal hamdullillah wala ila haillallah huwallah hu akbar , wala haula wala kuwwata illa billa hil aliy yul azim                                                    x 100 would be best or more

[ 1 and 2 are exceprt from ihya's volume 1 on recommended wirid by imam al ghazali ]


rise to do your tahajjud, 2 rakaat , 4, 6 or 8, or your sunat fajar prayer

while waiting for fajar prayer [ in the context of a congregational subuh prayer in the masjid, which does not apply to you know doc sabri, repeat 1 and 2 ]


and after fajar prayer
another series of astagfirullah , x3  or x7.....


3.  Allahumma ajirni minannar
[ Oh Allah, keep me away from the hellfire ]   x1, x3,  x7 or more.
Doc Sabri, there are wirid and wirid, with long doa's asking for jannah.....but you and me , we have missed the boat for schooling in these wirid, let us keep it simple.



4.  Allahumma antasalam ,wa min kas salam, wa alaika ya u' dussalam, wa adkhilna jannata daras            salam, ta baa rok tarabbana wa ta allai taya Zal jala liwal ikram.



5. Al Fatihah         x7 



6. An Nas              x7



7. Al Falak            x7



8. Kul Huwallah   x7



9. Kulya ayyuhal kafirun         x7


10. 1st 5 ayat of surah al baqarah  x7



11. Ayatul Kursi                        x7



12. Last 2 to 3 verses of surah al baqarah     x7


13. Selawat to the Nabi  [pbuh ]:
      Allahumma sallaliala sayyidina Muhammmadin nur'i wa ahlihi     [ x1, x 3, x 100  or more ]



[ footnote:  item 5 to 12,  is the opening 'gambit' of a zikr handed to me by Shaykh Ninowy of the Shadili Rifa'i Qadiri Sufi Order. it is also recommeneded by imam al ghazali in his ihya..........as the story went, one karaz bin wabrah an abdal of the early century around al ghazali's time related that he was given this wirid by ibrahim at taimi, a well known wali of his time. ibrahim at taimi , according to al ghazali got it in dream from al khidr himself, and al khidr got it from our nabi........if you belong to a wahabbi type of thinking and very partial about wali getting good dreams , and think it is an impossibility, you can of course forget about this. your ugama is still safe, except it is high and dry, 'sanitized' would be the exact word, devoid of sublime pleasure.....etc and etc ]



14.. La ila haillah antasubha nakainni kuntuminazolimin [ doa nabi Yunus ]    
[ My favourite and my Tok Guru's favourite. It represent both 'tasbih' and 'taubat' ]   x3, x7, x100 or more if you please ]

[   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL1v7Av63qo   ]


15. Laila haillah huwahdahu la shari kalah lahul mulku walahul hamdu wahuwa ala kullishai in' Qadir       x7 , x100

[ according to one well known tradition, your 'estate' in jannah is 'flat and empty', whatever it mean. This zikr  are your 'trees' and 'garden' in jannah !  Allahualam ! ]

[ in another well, known tradition, if repeated 10 times after our daily wajib prayer, before one changes position from the last position of the last ruku' antara sujud, and followed by allah huma ajirna minar nar x3, this is better than the whole world and all it's content.....allahualam. in our local mosque, if you frequent them , you will notice the imam shifted position facing the makmun only after this zikr, in response to the tradition  ]

16. Allah humma innaka affuwon tuhibbul afwa wa' fuanni x7
[ Oh Allah, only You can forgive, forgive me ]     


17. Allahumaya mukalibal qulub thabit qalbi ala ka di nik    
[ Oh Allah, the One who changes hearts, firm my heart on your Din ]     x7 

18. Allahumaya mukalibal qulub thabit qalbi ala ka ta'atik
[ Oh Allah, the One who changes hearts, firm my heart in your obedience ]   x7

19. Allah humma adhilni jannatul firdaus
[ Oh Allah grant me your Highest Paradise ]    x7



20. Ashaduanla ila haillallah huwah dahu lashari kalah, wa ashhaduan na muhammadan abduhu          warasuluh    x3, x7 or  [  x 100  ], if you like 


21.. Subha nallah wabihamdihih subhanallah hil Azim    x100
[ another powerful zikr ]


22. ya Allah

23. Ar Rahman nya Rahim   x100


25. ya Hayyu ya Qayyum   x100


26  ya Rabb ya Zaljala liwal ikram  x100



27. Ya Fatah , Ya Razak, ya Wahab, ya Ghoni, ya Mughni, x100 or more


28.. Ya Qhodeem [ no beginning, eternal ] , ya Daim  [ no end ], ya Ahad, ya Wahid, ya Samad

[ item 27 and 28 handed to me some 20 years by a local tok guru in a tarikat operating somehwere in Ampang at that time. We used to ahve many 'happy' hours of group zikr then ]


29. ya Latif   x129 or 133 or more

[  footnote: ya salam, 400x followed by ya latif,  also x400, highly recommended by some shaykhs i come to know personally to be a great panacea for all hajat and special needs!...allahualam.
don't ask me how it work,,the al ghaiba is beyond ordinary mortals like all of us, but personally i have tried this two formulation for months and weeks ...and it work!!!
these two asma al husna now has practically replaced most of my sembahyang hajat  which i have a tendency to do very often for my special needs .  if you combined your sembahyang hajat with these wirid involving these two asma al husna, that would certainly be an 'explosive' situation!...
allahualam . i have not yet tried it  ]


30. . Laila haillallah    [ the best of them all! ] .  x100 , x1000 or more, one can go whole day on just this....one cannot be wrong!
[ The most powerful statement in the whole wide universe.]

[    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8zgt6ZKvqk&spfreload=5   ]


31 . And lastly, your private doa for salvation and Robbana atina fiddunya hasana....................
[ after all the zikr ,followed by a substantial series of HIS really big Names, you doa with tawakkul to all HIS big names, insyaallah your doa will be heard ]



Well Doc, both of us are 'unschooled' in these things. These wirid I collect from here and there along the years. I am sure there are better ones out there but this one is the best I can think of, from my very limited knowledge in these things. . ..they are easy to remember.
At this rather eleventh hour, you and me , we just have to do it!! 
Both you and me , we ignoramus and cannot remember long zikr and long doa.

It is not our time to be academic and argue. 
JUST DO IT !!!


I would have loved , to advice you to do daily solatul tasbeeh prayer.
It is a great sin -expiation prayer as highly recommended by our nabi to his young uncle, Ibnu Abbas.
But alas, in your state, you may not have the stamina , and if you do solatul tasbeeh just lieing in bed, you may get all the numbers and order all mixed up.



Nonetheless, if you do all these wirid and, asma al husna and zikr very well, by the time you finish with it, it will be time for solat sunat Israq. The whole process actually will take a good one and a half hour at least.
And if for the next, you can attempt a longer cycle, by the time you finish, it will be  time  for solat Dhuha. After Dhuha, carry on your zikr to Zohor, and so on and so forth. With practice , you will find when you wake up you are in zikrullah! 

[ ...if we go by imam al ghazali, it would be good to repeat the whole gamut of zikr and doa again around asr time....why you may ask?
the people of the higher circle have their 'shift' around asar and subuh, that was the answer.
allahualm....]

It is critical that in your condition now, you dont give space to  the 'Whisperer'.


In your condition ,get your son to help you to be in 'perpetual ablution.

May you and me, in our 'final hour', be granted hasnul khatimah. 
May our life past and present be a blessed one.
May our friendship remain 'dunia dan akhirat'.
May God bless you.



Nik Howk


Postscript :

Dr Sabri Rejab went on to join 'the Realm of the Beloved',  at 4 am, 25th December, surrounded by wife, and family at his last hour. He lived a life of grace and died also in grace. 
He was in continuos zikr right up to the moment of loss of conciousness, I was told. 

At 2 am thereof he woke up his semi comatosed state, said the shahada, and still able to ask his son to check on the correctness of his shahada, and then slipped into coma again.
Alhamdullillah.
Innalillah hiwainna ilaihirojion.

His demise left a big gapping hole there in my heart.








Other similar articles in the blog :

1.   http://drnikisahak.blogspot.com/2008/11/death-eternal-life-after-death.html

2.   http://drnikisahak.blogspot.com/2011/04/death-and-dying-revisitedsteps-to.html

3.   http://drnikisahak.blogspot.com/2013/11/just-visiting.html

4.  http://drnikisahak.blogspot.com/2013/08/the-passing-of-bulldog-drummond.html